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Bullying at School - Help and advice for parents dealing with school bullying.

Information and advice about bullying at school with practical advice to help keep your children safe

Welcome to the National Bullying Helplines bullying at school page dedicated to all areas of bullying affecting our children at school. We provide information, advice and offer practical, proven steps to help you deal effectively with the school. Bullying is any form of unacceptable treatment, or discrimination or behaviour intended to hurt or harm the reputation of another. It is sometimes described as 'abuse of power' but it is a desire in the bully to control or harm another person. The reasons for this desire can be complex.

There are many reasons why kids bully other kids. They may be struggling with personal problems at home. This behaviour may be the only way they know how to deal with a difficult situation in their personal life, such as parents divorcing, death of a relative, abuse or humiliation of some sort in their life. This does not mean that bullying behaviour is OK. Sometimes, a bully will pick on someone because they are jealous or because they think that they will be seen as bigger and tougher' and it boosts their sad ego. For the bully, behaving in this manner is seen as a way to win friends, but this is a myth. All forms of bullying and anti-social behaviour is unacceptable.

Information for children

Are you being bullied by someone at school or maybe some kids that live near you are picking on you? If you are frightened or scared and don't have anyone you can talk to, please call us free on 0300 323 0169

Help for Children

Are you worried about your child at school

Every day we hear from parents regarding a negative response they 'allege' they have received from their child's School. This does not apply to all Schools. However, more and more we hear of cases where parents are left feeling angry and frustrated with a School because all attempts to raise matters with the school have proved fruitless. Sometimes, the bullying incident(s) involving the child becomes secondary - as the relationship between the parent and the School breaks down completely. We have even heard from some parents that a School has labelled them 'paranoid'.

The parent wants to protect their child. The Teacher and School want to protect their reputation. When both parties are at a point of self-preservation it can be very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Naturally, all the parent wants is to protect their child and know that the School is listening. Whilst the School may have Anti-Bullying Policies, they do not always have the processes in place to support their Policy. They are also unlikely to have a member of staff who specialises in "Conflict Resolution". Teachers want to get on with teaching - they do not want to have to deal with an emotional, distressed, parent!

As a result, some parents may be left feeling desperately worried. Communications break down and the parent is left feeling unsupported - left in isolation to deal with the bullying issues and care for a frightened and anxious child too. All a parent wants is for the school to listen and take 'reasonable steps' to ensure their child is safe.

Meetings with teachers may be ineffective. The teacher may lack the skills to deal with conflict and these discussions are rarely recorded or minuted. However, if you write a formal letter to the School and address it to the Head of the School or the Governors, they have to store it in a file which is looked at by Ofsted Inspectors at which point the school may be asked to explain how they dealt with the situation. This is just one of many steps that can be taken to help resolve your bullying issues with a school. For detailed steps to take including all the template letters, you need to stop the bullying, download our guide for parents.

Advice for worried parents

Information for parents

Whatever your bullying situation, we can help

What can we do to stop bullying

Bullying at School

Common things said by parents

Schools Statutory Obligation

Do you know someone at risk

Worried about your child

Accused of being a bully

Self Harm Amongst Teenagers

An effective guide for parents dealing with a bullying problem at school

This step by step bullying guide, written by the founder of the National Bullying Helpline is designed to help parents put a stop to bullying. This guide includes practical solutions to help you report a bullying issue and how to escalate matters if you feel the school is not doing enough to protect your son or daughter. We've included template letters to help you get a quick and effective response from the school.

Is you child being bullied

Questions about bullying at school by worried parents

The National Bullying helpline offers free advice to anyone in the UK experiencing some form of bullying. We talk to worried parents every day about their children and how to stop a bullying problem at school or online. We can help you deal with just about any situation related to bullying, from a child that's too scared to report bullying to their school to helping you deal with a school that's reluctant to act on your bullying concerns. Whatever your situation, we have probably heard it before from parents just like you. We can help you stop bullying. Here are just some of the things we hear every day:

I have spoken to the school over and over again and nothing has changed
The bullying has been going on for months
What can I do if my child is bullied after school?
The school are not dealing with the problem
The school has an anti-bullying policy but my child is still being bullied
The school denies that my child is being bullied
The school is doing more to help the bully, why is this?
The bullying is happening outside school
The school said it is not their problem.
Can I take my child out of school because of the bullying
My child is being bullied, what are my rights?
What can teachers do about bullying?
My child is scared to report the bullying
Can I sue the school if my child is bullied?

If you are experiencing a bullying problem with your child or have concerns about the school and what they are or are not doing to stop the bullying, please download out bullying guide for parents, "Is your child being bullied". The guide has detailed steps you can take to end the bullying with template letters to the school, the headteacher and the trustees. We ask for a small donation of £10 towards the guide and in return offer a free telephone consultation if you still need help.

Testimonial from a worried parent

" Thank you so much, your words triggered an emotional response that empowered me, it wasn’t much but a gentle reminder from the universe that ‘I got this’ after several conferences and some assistance from Kent Police, whom also reminded me who I am and what I represent (I’m a rather loud voice for domestic abuse awareness) I dropped my son off this morning with some empowering motivational words and silently prayed to whichever God, deity, angelic presence may be listening to send him the strength to stand up for his right to feel safe in his school environment. We had safeguarding plans put in place and fingers crossed we are moving closer to a resolution.

It’s only taken two years! But equipped with the knowledge your website and info gave me I shook a few people up and contacted all relevant agencies to not only safeguard a whole school class from the single perpetrator but to implement support for him, we need to educate and support these teenagers, there’s always a bigger picture and I hold as much empathy as I do contempt and frustration towards and for him.

Maybe this will save him from a young offenders, maybe he’s not ready to heal!? Regardless, I feel confident where for weeks i was an emotional mess! My child feels confident! And that is what my heart and soul desires, more than anything in the world! You rock! Your team rocks! Don’t ever forget that!"

Is you child being bullied

What can we do to stop bullying in schools

A routine Ofsted inspection could involve a review of bullying statistics in every UK school. Ofsted could be asking how many bullying complaints have been raised and what outcomes and remedial action is taken. We need clearly communicated guidelines for both parents and schools. Every school should have a Safeguarding Officer who is held accountable for overseeing due process. This will free up the teachers who are currently having to deal with distressed parents. Parents will know how to set out their concerns in a constructive and professional manner and, importantly, will have some confidence knowing that they are being listened to.

Maybe its time for a compulsory code of practice for schools and an anti bullying policy designed to resolve conflict similar to the model set out in the workplace.

The Schools Anti Bullying Policy

5 steps to take if your son or daughter is being bullied at school?

If you are you dealing with bullying in or outside school, at a social club or in the community? Are you a parent dealing with a distressed child who is being bullied right now? Here you will find help and ideas so that you can stop the bullying or at least know what to do to get immediate help and support.

Take five urgent steps today to help stop bullying

Ask your child to write down in handwriting (not on a computer) what has happened and how they feel. Ask them to sign and date it. Our Guide will explain why you need to do this.
Download our Guide: Is Your Child Being Bullied. A small fee is involved which will help us fund our helpline. This Guide may save your child’s life. It contains comprehensive advice and sample letters to help you structure your case in a way that will make a difference.
If your child has been physically assaulted, make an appointment with your family doctor and alert both the Police and the School. Make a note of the Crime Number you are given by the Police and quote it on all correspondence to the School. Our Guide explains why you need to do this.
When you have downloaded our Guide: Is Your Child Being Bullied, call us for a free consultation from an expert at The National Bullying Helpline.
Make sure your Child knows the number for Childline. It is 0800 1111

The Schools Statutory Obligation to protect your children from bullying

If your child is being abused or bullied at school and you fear the school is not taking satisfactory action, write to your local authority and remind them that they have a ‘statutory duty’ to ensure all children in their schools are safe at all times. For more information including template letters to your school and local authority, see our guide for parents, "Is your child being bullied

Parent Testimonial

I am so grateful to The National Bullying Helpline. My 13 year old boy was coming home regularly in tears but he didn’t want to talk about it at first. Then I noticed the bruises. I spoke to the school till I was blue in the face. I called this helpline and the lady was really helpful. I received the Guide and read it cover to cover and it helped me know what to do. Before, I couldn’t see a way forward. I was angry and upset but the Guide really helped. I think it is worth every penny because it made a difference to my son.

Do you know someone at risk or have concerns for a friend?

We will act if we believe and adult or child is at risk or in danger. We have a Service Agreement with Wiltshire Police, covering the UK, and we work closely with them in cases where an individual feels intimidated or threatened in any way. In an emergency you can contact the Police Domestic Violence Liaison Officer : North & West Wilts. Telephone: 01249 449766. We help people in distress in a practical, positive, timely, way and in some cases we will put callers in touch with professional service providers ; (ACAS, Solicitors, Mediators, Counsellors and other dispute resolution service providers etc).

If you believe that someone you know at school or work is at risk of self harm, violence or suicide, please call 999.

Keeping your child safe from bullying online

Parents, you have a role to play. Remember, the police can often trace the perpetrators. You need to check that your child is safe and that they take care. Check their sites and monitor their browsing and mail content periodically. Sit down and talk to your child about his or her concerns.

Criminal Charges may be brought under The Harassment Act and other legislation that is there to protect you and your child. Talk to your family and those who you trust. A problem shared is a problem halved ! If you ever come across anything on the internet that makes you feel uncomfortable, no matter where it is, pleas e report it. Be Cyber-Savvy in all your on-line activities. Teach your children how to be Cyber-Savvy. Being Cyber-Savvy is the new "Don't talk to strangers"

Read this out to your child

Don't give your name, age, address or contact details to strangers over the internet even if they sound really friendly and you have spoken to them lots of times. If you have never met them, don't fall for their charm. A good person would never ask you to tell them personal information about yourself. If some over the internet or phone asks you for information, close the computer down or hang up the phone. Come and talk to me about it.

Don't tell people where you live or which school you go to. NEVER arrange to meet them. If a stranger asks you to meet them, see this as a warning sign and tell me or tell a grown up, a responsible person, about this. Confide in someone you trust. If you call a helpline, the volunteer might ask you some basic questions but that is OK provided you telephoned the helpline and they did not phone you.

Do not give any confidential information to someone who calls you. If you are worried or scared, hang up and come and talk to us. Tell your friends or tell us if you are worried about anything. We can help you. Also, change your log-in details regularly and change your passwords. When did you last change the password on your childs’ mobile phone or computer. Who did you tell? The only two people you should share your password details with are your mum or dad.

What can you do if you have been accused of being the bully

Not everyone accused of being a bully is necessarily a bully in our view. A bully can be very clever and will often want to point the finger at another person. This is not an uncommon strategy - form of defence. How to spot the genuine bullies from those who are accused (by others) of being a bully (typically by a perpetrator of bullying with a motive), can be extremely difficult.

First, it is important to remember - we all have rights and we all have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. Do not judge others by what you are told but by what you believe yourself. If you believe you are a bully however, we will go a very long way to help you, provided you seek help and want to change. A person who holds his/her hand up and says "I am a bully, help me" has our full support because, having already acknowledged that they are a bully - is a problem very largely solved. A person in this situation may need help too. Finding the courage to stand up and ask for help in this circumstance is commendable and should be encouraged.

An 8 year old boy said recently; "I know I am a bully and it makes me feel good to bully someone - but later on, before I go to sleep, I think about what I have done and I feel really sad and lonely". This 8 year old boy is crying out for help too. Proper guidance and expert counselling will help.

There may be underlying reasons for this behaviour which only an expert mediator, or dispute resolution service provider, can understand and help resolve. Do not be afraid to put your hand up if you want professional help. Talk to someone you trust. Write down how you feel and show it to a responsible person. If you feel unable to discuss it with your parents or teaches, ask for a 1 on 1 meeting with your doctor, or an adult whom you trust, and tell him/her how you feel.

School Bullied Child Receives Financial Compensation

(September 2011)

This is a true but somewhat drastic outcome where legal action was taken against a child bully in the UK.

A child aged 13 received compensation for having been abused and bullied at School. It is the first case of its kind.

A schoolboy from Maltby Comprehensive School near Rotherham, South Yorkshire was awarded a four figure sum in compensation following a spate of classroom bullying. Jed Winfindale, aged 13, was abused persistently. He was hit over the head several times with a wooden drawing board until he was so injured he was taken to hospital and later suffered flashbacks and nightmares. At the time, the only action the school were prepared to take was to suspend the bully for two days. Jed’s mother was not prepared to accept this as the boy was known for disruptive behaviour. He has now been removed from the school. Rotheram Council admitted liability for breach of statutory duty and negligence and agreed to the undisclosed pay-out. September 2011.

The National Bullying Helpline